If You're Going to do PTP, Please At Least Be as Discreet/Respectful as a John!!

Here’s some great advice for those PTP-ers with expectations for intimacy:

At the start of a date, please present the [compensation/allowance installment/gift/donation/token of generosity] promptly. If you don’t, this will (especially if you’re meeting a woman who has never done this before or has been jilted; or have not explicitly agreed on a set amount) make her hesitant, colder, more nervous, and less trusting. If you have not agreed on a specific amount, veer towards the generous end of that range. Doing so will engender good-will. i.e., doing more than you have to will make her think, “aw, shucks, what a great guy!” and your relationship may even come to be more gift-exchange than purchasing services. Don’t give a gift or a “tip” every time or else it’ll just become a part of what she expects and will no longer have the effect it once did.

Phrasing the gift as a ‘donation range’ is…useful, because it can include meetings of various duration… the down-side of ‘donation ranges’ is that she’ll always end up feeling a bit jilted if you go below the max amount of the range…and will think about the $$$ more because she won’t be able to know what she’s getting. I think the best way to go is to establish something that’s fair and a bit lower than you’re comfortable with, go beyond that regularly but not always, and simply increase the $$ amount in line with the duration of your meeting in a fairly predictable way.

Write her name on an otherwise blank envelope (extra points if you include a thoughtful card or draw something on it) and either slip it inside her purse, leave it in a visible place within your hotel room/her apartment, or [best of all] tuck the envelope inside a book/dvd-box you think she’d enjoy or a gift-bag (with a bottle of wine, some toiletries, a piece of jewelry) and hand it to her directly.

Allow her to see it but do not make a comment about it. PLEASE JUST DO IT! Do not pull bills out of your wallet and count them and then hand them to her! Do not drop crumpled or loose bills inside her purse! 50s and 100s are especially nice…and very impressive. 20s are a bit like play-money. (Sorry, but it bugs me when SDs are less thoughtful about handing you cash than clients). The erotic review has some great suggestions re etiquette around this.

Please let the time you are together happen naturally. Do not try to talk about services and what she is going to do for you … (unless this was a part of your pre-PTP flirtation & chemistry/dynamic). Honestly, grab a ‘pick-up artist’ instruction book & try the advice out…In my humble opinion, the only way for this to not be prostitution is if you can actually seduce the chick before getting physical… and with PTP, you have less time and you aren’t taking the risk of giving cash or material gifts and getting nothing…so it doesn’t have as much of the damsel-in-distress-to-white-knight-affection-mechanism going.

Great ways to break the ice are to ask a lot about her (non-personal things) and listen closely, or by talking about sexy subjects, films, books, movies, experiences, etc., and to complement her in a creative, thoughtful way. Also – games. Stormy can tell you about the ‘box’ game; truth or dare also works. Or offer her a back-rub. I don’t know. Read the book.

Unfortunately, you aren’t seeing a professional…so you do have to think. Watch her body-language & don’t push things. If she seems uncomfortable (with you moving closer, with being kissed, with being touched, with a request to undress, whatever…), take it slower. Unfortunately, you aren’t seeing a professional, so you have to do some of the seduction work.

If your attempts at breaking the ice/creating chemistry/whatever fail, ask her if she feels uncomfortable with this…or how she’s feeling…or if she has something on her mind. Listen & try to get a feel if it’s ‘discomfort with sugar’, ‘moving too quickly’ or…you. Say something like “hey, don’t do this if you aren’t comfortable with it.” or “would you like to just hang out?” Be prepared to give financial or career or personal life counseling at this point.

Hey, you may not get laid, but you’ll probably get some cuddling in and the glow of a girl who thinks you’re “a really nice, sweet guy.” And you won’t leave feeling like you’ve taken advantage of someone.

Be respectful of her time and also of not making her feel like a whore. Don’t just get up, dressed and dash the moment after, unless you have to (a bit of cuddling, a drink or something is always nice). But also be respectful of her time-constraints. If she seems antsy/like she isn’t mentally there any more, ask what else she has to do that day, or ask her if she has time to have a glass of wine, or ask her if she has time for you to show her something…that basically gives her an ‘out’ if she wants to dash.

College Coed Seeks Business Traveler with Spare Pillow Mints

So...here you are now, ready to attack the posts of backpage. You prepare to recognize the unmistakable tone of 'the backpage escort ad.' No. you don't recognize it at all. But now that you think about it, who ever said 'escort ads' have an unmistakable tone? On the contrary, escorts are entities that vary greatly from one to the next. And in these very differences you recognize the poster as...an escort. Here, however, this post seems to have little connection with the rest. Are you a disappointed? Let's see. Perhaps at first you feel a bit lost, as when a person appears who, from the name, you identified with a certain type of face, and you try to make the features you are seeing tally with those you had in your mind... But then you go on and you realize that this escort is  [ehem] able nevertheless, independently of what you expected of escorts, and it's this post...in itself...that arouses your curiosity; in fact, on sober reflection, you prefer it this way, confronting something and not quite knowing what it is yet...

The stranger I want to meet is called "Business Traveler" and that is the only thing you know about him, but this alone is reason enough for you to invest a part of yourself in the stranger. Just as I, since I have no intention of telling about myself, decided to call the character "business traveler" in order to conceal him, not having to name him or describe him, because any other name or attribute would define my desire more sharply than this archetype. Nothing could be easier for you than to identify yourself with him; from the beginning, his subjectivity is that of a man who is chilly [it's Febuary in the North-East, after all], listless, well educated, and whose pockets are filled with superfluous pillow mints. From the beginning, his subjectivity is that of a bemused, curious and (possibly) desiring heterosexual businessman...precisely the stranger I desire to see.

 

But the post refers you to something that is about to happen...that could happen...and it is this something else that makes it risky for you, the reader, to identify with "business traveler" and for it's author: me.

How NOT to Contact an SB: World Championship!!!

The blog is Currently Sponsoring "How Not to Contact an SB - World Championships."

Submissions will be taken through March 20. The winner will receive a gift-certificate for a mani-pedi-massage at a salon near her. 

To Begin:

 

* 1 *

May I ask u a few questions? Is this ur correct age and r u living here, r u currently working, r u married or have u been, do u have children and their ages, who r u living with now, how tall r u and how much do u weigh, what size jeans and bra do u wear, what exactly r u looking for here on SD, a SD or a serious relationship, and if u find what u r looking for r u willing to relocate? If u r interested pls give me ur number and I will call u. I will not go to yahoo messenger.

I'm not sure if this is a - the result of too many bait & switches; b - the result of having been contacted by too many web-cam-scammers; c - some mix of autism & phone-text-messaging. I'm not sure if I'm more annoyed by a- the lack of personalization; b - the 'r's and 'u's & lack of punctuation; c-the [14] questions. This SD, however, does win points for succinctness, however!!

* 2 *

Subject: I would love to Meet You
Message: Asap

No exclamation mark even? How rude!

* 3 *

Generous SD looking for a very oral playmate to see 4/5 times a month with an allowance......

For christ's sake. Even escort-clients are not so specific. Sheesh

* 4 *

HI I AM A BIG HAIRY TEDDY BEAR AND I JUST LOVE EATING UP A HOT CLIT. YOU GOT ONE THAT NEEDS A LOT OF LICKING AND SUCKING TILL YOU HAVE ALL YOU BODY FLUIDS GUSHED OUT ALL OVER DADDY'S FACE. THEN THAT DADDY IS ME ! LOVING , KIND , AND DO ALMOST ANYTHING TO HAVE THAT WET CLIT ALL IN MY FACE. DADDY LOVES TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD ALL OVER. ( NOW ) EVEN BETER MY BIG 48EE TIT WIFE LIKE TO BE THE OTHER PERSON IN THIS PROCESS OF LICKING YOU ALL OVER .( S0 ) IF YOU LIKE ALL THE ATTENTION AND LIKE TO BE PLEASED,AND LIKE TO ROLL PLAY AND OUR LITTLE BABY DOLL, OR OUR LITTLE SLUT GIRL, OR OUR SLAVE.!!

Same as above, but worse. Also...why the caps? PS - EE is okay...I get implants...but 48? Being licked all over by a hairy giant & a buxom-esque giantess...wow. Sounds perfect.

* 5 *

Hi, how are you doing? I like your profile. I am interested in getting to know you more and possibly have an ongoing mutually beneficial arrangement. I would love to spoil you rotten :) Can i see your private pics? Let me know if you are interested in a generous daddy. If interested, let me know how I can reach you, email or phone.. thanks

  
This is the 4th time you've sent me the same form-message. Can you not keep your pot-SBs straight? Also - love the originality here...cliches are not the way to a pot-SBs heart...or other organs...thank you very much.

New Management

This post is to notify you that the "SB" formerly known as "Meg" (henceforth "buttahfly-BB") is now under new management.

All communications with "Buttahfly-BB" will subsequently be handled by myself, Lola "big-momma-pimp" Tia.

In order to ensure "SDs" a standard quality of warmth, affection, chemistry & kink (aka. sugah) & streamline sugah provision, "Buttahfly-BB" will no longer be offering the same sugah-exchanges as you may have come to expect:

Beginning Febuary 22, "Buttahfly-BB" will no longer engage in p4p interactions after in-person meetings with SDs she finds to be "incredibly sexy" "funny" or "attractive."

Henceforth "potential SDs" will have the opportunity to apply for a "trainee position" (entitled "client.") "Clients" will be "test-driven" by "Buttahfly-BB" at the going "courtesan rates" for a duration of at least two months.

"Clients" who demonstrate "chemistry," "affection," "trustworthiness," "reliability" and "more than John-ness" throughout the "trainee period" will have the option to apply for "SD-status" and "a re-structure of the sugah exchange" via our prestigious review board.

Yours Cordially,

 Lola "big-momma-pimp" Tia

Playing games with Gamers

If I told a woman that I was a pickup artist before sleeping with her, she'd still have sex with me, but she'd make me wait a week or two longer just to ensure that she was different from all the other girls. If I told a girl I was a pickup artist after sleeping with her, she was usually amused & intrigued by the whole idea, and convinced that I hadn't been running game on her. However, her tolerance for the community lasted only until we broke up or stopped seeing each other, at which point it was used against me.

-Neill Strauss: The Game

For some reason...pick-up artists sometimes find their way onto SA. I'm not really sure why. It's rather strange.

But honestly, I love SA pick-up artists. Seriously. 

SA pick-up artists...they're really sort of a sex-worker-permutation...they turn tricks for sex. Sex workers turn tricks for cash. 

Same skill-set, same wave-length...know what I'm saying?

That said, I don't sleep with pick-up artists.

Er...no, that's not right. I don't sleep with pick-up artists for free.

See- that's the trick.

Pick-up artists really couldn't give a fuck about fucking. What they want is conquest...they get off on getting you to do something you don't....realllly want to do. It's really more about the rush of gaining emotional power over a woman. Sex is really only a symbol of that.

Paying is really a symbol that negates the symbolic submission in sex...

It's that simple. It really is.

I can spot a pick-up artist very early on. I can spot him because I can see the game & I can almost feel his mind working...as he's trying to consciously gain an emotional edge. 

It's really fun. It ends up being quite like a fencing match.

And my main weapon are rules. 

My rules are: you can pay me for sex, or you can wait 20 dates. 

If I fuck him for free, he wins. If he pays me for sex, I win. A pick-up artist can't 'win' the game if he explicitly pays cash. I can't win the game unless I'm explicitly given cash for sex.

Pretty simple. 

I normally allude to rules on the first date. And by the third or fourth, I drop the bomb: 'okay. so...you can either wait 16 more dates. Or you can pay me. Pretty simple.' 

I drop the bomb after he's sent out the traditional emergency-emotionally--manipulative artilliary of 'you want an emotional connection...that's just not something I can give' or 'god, you must have been burned before, don't you trust me?' or 'you're uptight. Why are you so uptight? You're a good girl, aren't you...live a little.'
 
Anything but 'the bomb' simply affirms those statements. It's like...saying 'yes, I do want an emotional connection.' or 'YES! I AM uptight!' or 'YESSS, I have been burned before and I can't trust you.'

But dropping the 'p' bomb unshrouds the game. It makes it painfully obvious what he's after (or else...a few hundred bucks is nothing...oder?)

You have to package the 'p' bomb in the right way, though.

$500. I mean, you make 500K right? It's not that big of a deal. I mean, you've already racked up 350-ish on drinks. And it'd wind up being cheaper than 16 more dates.

Oh, actually, I really don't need the money. Yeah. I have a lot saved up. & I have a full ride & my parents do rent & car insurance and stuff. If you want, you can just donate it to a charity. I can suggest some.

...yeah, I'm sure you're a good person & donate money. That's great but I mean, if you're already doing that, like, you aren't doing it for me so it really doesn't count as payment. Um, if you bring an e-receipt from that, that's fine. Or you can give me a check made out to the organization & deposit it. As you prefer.

Oh. If you don't support empowering girls in third-world countries, that's fair. We all have our personal leanings. Well, um, you could just give it to that homeless guy over there. As long as I see it, that's fine too.

I mean, you could just burn the bills. That sounds like fun. But sort of wasteful. But then again, spending 350 on drinks is also sort of wasteful.

And my fucking god, it really is quite like a bomb.

*     *     *

I've never won the game. I've never lost the game. 

It normally ends in a stale-mate on the 10 or so date...but I've gotten it to 15 once. I've even met one guy's work colleagues and sister & gotten taken on a week-long trip.

But it's a fun challenge...for me to make the match last as long as possible.

Quite a work out, though. Must say.

p.s. - I'm actually a sweet-heart to nice people! I really am! Just...it's sometimes fun to give evil pick-up artists a taste of their own medicine. That's all. 

Dearest Feminists & Pharmaceutical Companies

Dear Feminists,

No offense...but I am not amused with your little social experiment.

While I understand that life is quite boring for an an upper-middle-class Wellesley-educated white woman in Stepford (or whatever)...I wish that you had had more consideration vis. a vis. the social consequences of your movement.

Er...how else can I put this.

I understand that, having popped out a few kids in your early twenties with the dude you lost your virginity to at college in college, and having done the suburban child-rearing thing, you might be a bit envious of the male gender's freedom to spend 60 hours a week in a white windowless cubicle in the big city. I completely understand your retrospective bitterness at having spent your post-college years changing diapers & knitting doileys. I completely understand that.

But for fuck's sake. Women loose their fucking fertility at 32-37. Do you not understand that your 'we're-all-equal' dealio has usurped the 'stay-at-home-mom' entitlement from women during their natural child-birthing years? Do you not realize that your social experiment has resulted in women:

a) postponing child-rearing until mid-career, then shifting to part-time or dropping from the workforce entirely?
b) not having kids at all?
c) adopting or outsourcing pregnancy to surrogates due to decreased fertility rates?

Do you not realize that your little social experiment has de-institutionalized marriage?

How, in any way, is this good for women?

Er...and how is sitting in an airless cubicle for 40-60 hours a week and playing with invisible value bundles better for society (or yourself) than raising kids, leading community organizations, and pursuing personal creative projects?

Thank you,

Sincerely,

Meg

P.S. - Pharmaceutical Companies that Created Birth Control: I am equally not-amused with you.

Humph.

Reflecting on the Odd-Ball Client

You know...while I don't doubt that Odd-Ball Client actually wanted everything in that email (I think he did) I think what he was trying to do, more than anything else, was break the frame.**

The concept of 'framing' interactions refers both to the label individual interacting with one another apply to their relationship, the rules of that relationship, and the implicit 'script' of verbal and physical interchanges appropriate to that relationship. In other words, the frame consists of a label for an interaction, the implicit temporal, physical and emotional boundaries of that interaction, and the subjective meaning of those interactions...to both parties.

So - the basic deal with Frame-breaking is that one party deviates from standard codes of conduct in interactions. This deviation can result in confusion, paranoia, & a general shift in the power dynamic within interactions.

And...escorts, pick-up artists, con-men, strippers, anyone with a standardized frame [or way of interacting with a 'mark' - or subject] typically has more power than the mark [or non-professional subject] he or she is interacting with. In other words, the professional creates the 'frame' for his or her own purposes & is conscious of the frame, while the 'mark' rather unconsciously follows the rules of that frame.

UNLESS the mark 'breaks' the frame. But in the case of a 'frame-break,' the escort, pick-up artist, con-man, stripper, etc. has a 'financial' incentive to continue interactions with the 'mark,' even if he breaks her frame.

Thus, the knowledgable mark can 'frame-break' with confidence that interactions will continue, but on a more egalitarian basis (or with power-balances reversed, since the 'mark' is now creating the interactional rules with the connie).

I think a small part of the incentive for frame-breaking is 'more power.' I think the knowledgeable 'mark' also finds great entertainment & pleasure in watching the con-man's fumbling & reactions to the frame-break. I think, ultimately, the 'mark' (in a commercial sex context) wants a more authentic and intimate interaction with the worker.

So yeah. Oddball client was 'frame-breaking.' Damn...that was a lot of fun, though. :-)



**Please refer to Irving Goffman or Randall Collins works for a more elaborate conceptual framework.

Safety in Sugar Land

I'm currently working on creating a dynamic & user-friendly discussion forum for Sugar Babies only.

The intended purpose of the forum is to:
-create a central & easily-searchable site unaffiliated with any specific Sugar-Matching site where SBs can post:

1) information on dangerous, fake, or scammer SDs.
2) discuss & ask for advice on future or ongoing relationships.
3) chat with like-minded sugar-babes.
4) comment on various websites (i.e., SA, SDFM, WYP)
5) publicize their own blog.

The site should be semi-functional in a week or so...so please keep checking in!

Also, please contact me if:
1) you'd like to have your blog listed on the sugar-forum.
2) you're interested in writing a brief advice/safety-tips article.
3) you're interested in helping with the site (as a moderator, with input regarding the lay-out, forum-sub-topics, & posting rules).

xoxo Meg

The Odd-Ball Client

Right - so a lot of people think escort-clients just want sex.

Well, maybe that's the case for some. But a good majority have much more elaborate emotional and recreational needs.

This email is from an extreme case (I absolutely love the guy, by the way) I encountered 4 years ago. It all started out quite normal:

 I have been in **Utopia** 4 weeks, will be here another week, and will be back in May.  I'm not interested in any sort of permanent or complicated relationship, but it would be nice to have some company once in a while.  Maybe we could get together sometime soon, chat briefly, and see whether we want to spend more time together?

But then got a bit odd:

Sunday 6PM is good...I am worried about 6Pm or later because then I will probably have been to the beach-bar drinking beer before we meet and that's not fun for you (well, maybe it is, but best not take chances).  I know I know, if I had any self control it wouldn't matter.  But I don't.  Trust me on that one.  I am a puppet.  


You definitely will be choosing the activities.  But rein it in.  I think the next influx to my account isn't happening until the 15th, so I need to pace myself carefully the next few days.  If your dying wish is to have your own private parade down **Avenue of the Dreams** or feel what it's like to be dipped in caviar and licked clean by 20 well-paid supermodels, then I'm happy to accompany you, but you'll be paying.




An itinerary would be awesome.  It makes me smile just thinking about it.  I love the fact that you are even offering to create one.  I hope it's extraordinarily and unrealistically detailed with regard to start and end times.  Be sure to allow travel time between events.  


Yea, boating is good.  What sort of boat are you talking about?  I've been canoeing down by **Cloud-lake**.  That was OK but not something I envision doing with you.  There are better boats around **Utopia**.  But I don't necessarily want to just sit in a boat.  I want to control it.  And I don't necessarily want other people there with us.  Unless it's a party and they have sangria and we drink and talk and laugh and jump off the boat and swim around naked in the glassy water at dusk and into the darkness over and over again until someone says 'Where's Maria?' and we realize with growing frantic horror that she slipped into the water to pee 20 minutes ago and is now drowned.  That wouldn't be so cool.  I know a guy I could ask about boats.  I might see him tonight, maybe.  I will look for him, because I like him and I like the people he likes.  It honestly wouldn't surprise me if you knew the guy, which is actually why I asked you about boating.  I didn't explain because if you don't know the guy it would be awkward to explain why I thought you might.  


Other ideas for things to do?  We can make bridles out of our shoelaces or bit of rope and ride horses bareback in some field somewhere.  I've done that lots, when I had chances.  I like it lots.  I like to walk and walk and walk and if I am with someone maybe drink wine or whatever and then kiss when we are in no place to possibly escalate things.  I like to work and help people.  I am totally itchy with the urge to do something suddenly useful lately.  I wouldn't mind digging a big hole.  I like spectacles. The cornier the better.  A sideshow.  A peepshow. 

I want people to tell me wonderful lies.  I love strings and rows of yellow-orange lights at night when it is warm.  I wouldn't mind playing with some puppies.  The moon is full now.  It rises a little less than an hour later each night.  It was just above the buildings before we met last night, so Sunday it will probably be visible a little before midnight.  I want to see the moon Sunday.  I like hammocks.  There are hammocks in the **beach-bar I go to**.  A sparrow bit my finger the other day.  I liked that.  I like eating walnuts.  I like smooth stones.  I like big stones. I want to go to a haunted place. I like gently touching things, and people.  Except I am too shy.  If you set an alarm for 30 minutes and when it beeps I get to gently touch you somewhere, anywhere, lightly, for 10 seconds, I would like that.  I want to laugh really hard. 

I want to make someone happy and not have it end in disappointment.  I want to see old friends.  I miss my cat.  I want someone to bite my arm hard enough to leave tooth marks.  I want to cry really hard and not be embarrassed.  I want to be exhausted.  I want to feel that weird wrong size feeling that sometimes happens in my limbs, or feel a zing in my spine when meeting someone's eyes.  I want to be able to look at someone and really really really see them instead of a carcass with motorized pupils.  I want to trust someone and not feel sad about it because I can't be trusted.  I want to have a secret I'm not ashamed of.  I want a nice memory that I feel on my face and shoulders for days like a little sunburn.  I want to be liked.  I want to be respected.  I want to be handsome and nice.  

I want to be able to play the banjo and walk on my hands.  I want to eat some slightly old and hard cheese.  I want you to promise you'll tell me what you really think even if I'm paying for you to be with me.  I want you to bitch a little.  I want you to tell me how I can be a better person.  I want to really want something.  I want to be able to drink lots of water and not worry about where I will pee, or how often I will pee.  I want to see you cry because you're happy.  I want to take a little nap and think that when I wake up something new and nice will be in the world and I will see it.  

I want evidence that there is a God.  I want to sit in a chair and drink beer in the sun and shoot a slingshot.  I wouldn't mind laying on the ground and having 6 people lay on top of me, dogpile fashion. I'd like to keep a few promises I've made lately. I'd like to teach a kid a magic trick.  I'd like to hypnotize someone again because that means they trust me. I want to really honestly be surprised.  I want to be incredibly obviously undeniably wrong about something bad.  I want to have a passion and not have people think it is silly.  I want to really believe all the stuff I tell people.  I want to understand what the hell is going on sometimes.  I want to quit waiting for stuff all the time.  I want to write letters and draw and remember how to arrange things so they make people smile.  I want to be challenged.  I want someone to pay me two **units of utopian currency** for taking a dare.  I want to know the name of all the people I can picture so clearly because they're special and don't know it, even though knowing their name wouldn't make a difference to anything and there are too too many.  I want to know that there is something I don't know that I really want, so I can look for it.

I was, understandably, completely freaked out by this email.

But, you know, eventually I realized that most of the people I met had lists like this. They just never put them into thoughts, words or emails...

So - tell me - what do you want?

Johns & Massages

Okay. So I'll admit it.

I'm incorrigibly naughty.

Sometimes I get an itch that nothing but meeting a complete stranger in a hotel room will scratch.

This happens every 3-6 months or so. It really all depends on my sugar-life at the moment.

Sugar Dating sites are 100% the worst place to find one-off arrangements. I've found the guys on sugar-dating sites who will even consider such a thing are at least two, if not more, of the following options:

a) very old.
b) creepy/socially retarded.
c) fetish-minded.
d) incredibly cheap.
e) bitter that they have to pay for it.
f) get turned on by corrupting 'naive college students.'

Er...maybe that's saying too much. But honestly, if we're both looking for a discrete (and yes, I mean discrete not discreet) meeting...is there any point in back-and-forth messaging & tip-toe-ing around the P4P-ness? And if I'm looking for an SD...I want to get to know the person first. How can I put this in another way...letting someone think of himself as your SD is like giving him a Michelin-3-star rating. Letting someone be your client is like giving him a Michelin-1-star rating. & like Michelin, I'm very picky about awarding three stars....

I also like to keep the Sugar-world pure. Nothing irks me out more than men on SD websites who act like Johns but expect you to act like an SB, and I'd hate to in any way contribute to their presence.

So...

In order to scratch said 'itch' - I post a clever, sugar-baby-esque ad on an internet classified site targeting business travelers, wait until I get 6-12 responses, then delete it.

I just got an email from someone from the last run (mid-November) yesterday...he had a dream about me...we were on a trans-atlantic cruise...which made me think about it.

Actually, the last run (early-November) was an excellent one. [They're all good, this one was suprizingly so]. I met SD(1) through that. [We both wanted to go on a double-decker-bus tour, & did that OTC the day after meeting, & it snowballed from there].

The guys from that ad were all similar in a few weird ways:

1) They all wanted to start off by giving me a massage. (3 were frickin' amazing...seriously, I am never tossing $80 out on a day-spa again)
2) They were all pretty intent on giving me multiple orgasms.
3) We had common aesthetic/literary/intellectual taste.

On 1 & 2 - is there some sort of American John etiquette book I haven't stumbled upon that instructs clients to give hookers massages and orgasms? Er...or maybe bi-passing the wining-dining-impressing-negotiating stages just leave them with more energy...

meh...who knows.

On 3 - I guess you have to be a special type of person to respond to a photo-less P4P advert masked in a Robert Frost poem...

Last question...does this make me an escort? Mmm...my own perspective... I'm an escort to any of the 15-20 guys who stumbles upon an ad I post.

My ads are up for 48-80 hours/year. So...I guess I'm an escort for 48-80 hours/year...

Is this...prostitution?

So many news articles, TV features, etc. address this particular question.

I think the real problem surrounds the technologization of the 'sugar-dating' process...or, put in another way, how sugar-dating sites change the courtship process that proceeds short-term, 'mutually-beneficial' relationships.

I mean, if you think about it, a prostitute who does bar-work (i.e., propositions guys in hotel lobbies & bars) is clearly distinguishable from a hot chick who picks up wealthy men at bars & dates them for perks. In the former case, both parties come together for 'sugar' and the terms of the relationship are discussed explicitly after 15-40 minutes. In the later case, there is at least the illusion that one party or both parties are not specifically interested in a short-term intimate relationship in which money changes hands. There is quite a bit of uncertainty. And, for the most part, everything is left unsaid.

I think the internet blurs those lines alot, simply because it makes the courtship process so much less discreet.

Or, in other words...in the real world, would we be negotiating allowances or discussing intimacy-time-tables with people we had not yet met in person (or only met once or twice?) Or how would a non-prostitute react if someone approached her and said 'I think you're gorgeous & clever. If you decide to spend time with me, you'll be pampered & spoiled & feel like a princess..."


I don't think that the actual relationships formed via sugar-dating-websites necessarily differ from those formed in the real world. However, the courtship process is - without question - different.

It is direct and straightforward, characteristics which have, in the past, been reserved for prostitutes & johns, & people in conservative religious communities setting up arranged marriages.

Classifieds

So - when I stopped working for an agency & started working independently, I advertised in Internet classifieds...

And I really had fun writing the ad texts. They were always sort of quirky. For a while, I had a riddle/bonus question. It was like a 10% off deal if people could get the question/riddle right.

Was a great way to establish rapport/screen for the right kinds of clients...plus, guys love trivia, so brought in a lot of responses.

I watched the film "Death-Proof"...god, I love Tarantino film scripts, and absolutely loved the following two lines:

" When they their glass to toast ... ... they look you dead in the eye ... and repeat this poem. The woods are lovely dark and deep And I have promises to keep And miles to go before I sleep. Did you hear me Butterfly? Miles to go before you sleep. And then... ... if they say that You gotta give him a lap dance."

"some kinda cute, kinda hot, kinda sexy, hysterically funny, but not funny looking guy comes up and says it...."

So, thought of the following ad:

Had a few drinks, and am feelin' loosey goosey.

So if you're a kinda cute, kinda hot, kinda sexy, hysterically funny, but not so funny looking guy...

And want a lap-dance...or more...

Ring me up. And recite:

 "The woods are lovely dark and deep And I have promises to keep And miles to go before I sleep. Did you hear me Butterfly? Miles to go before you sleep" 

 ***

x/hour.

y off you can name the film this post alludes to.

2y if you can recite the poem in full...

But then again, the film is all about a guy who picks up promiscuous party-girls & kills them...

So...seemed like an invitation for jack-the-ripper types & film buffs/copy-cat murderers, & ultimately decided against it...

Why SD(1) Is an SD and Not a Client

So much attention is directed towards why "SBs" aren't "escorts."

My perspective is a bit non-traditional, because I worked as an escort, am pretty much who I am regardless or who I'm with, and have not had the misfortune of wasting 3-500 on an apathetic/bait-and-switch/dead-fish of an escort. As a result, I'm not really sure what differentiates an SB from an escort.

However, I can definitively say what a client will not do/does not do. (Or...well...clients sometimes do this, but if they do, they're out of the 'client' category and have become sugar daddies)

A client will not:
-let you crash for a week at his hotel room/apartment because it's peaceful/tidy and has an amazing espresso-gizmo thing.
-clean your apartment & wash your dishes while you're writing an essay/news piece.
-listen to you freak out about an essay/news-piece and help you write an outline.
-go grocery/bedding/cleaning-supply shopping with you.
-continue to see you if you show up (for a p4p type thing) & say, 'you know, I'm not really in the mood. Could we just cuddle and watch television?'
-give you a large sum of cash (without having seen you a few times) without the implicit expectation that you'll get down to business with each-other.

So - I guess the main difference is:

A client does not want to hear your drama/emotional issues - period.
An SD wants to hear about your drama/support you emotionally (well...as long as you aren't a drama queen) but doesn't want any drama/emotional issue talk that is related to him/a product of the relationship you have with him.

In platonic terms, a regular client is sort of like a colleague/class-friend/dorm-mate...in terms of the depth of interactions. An SD is like a BFF.

Questions: Sugar-Baby Budgeting for Married Men

Okay - So...

A lovely [and happily] married man dropped ca. 5k/month into my bank account for ca. 6 months...

I know another married guy who shed 30k on a single-mother-SB over 3 months.

And...I know a guy who shed 3-5k on escorts on a monthly basis.

[I could go on for the next 80 lines]

So...OK. I've always been super-curious on this one:

How do married SDs find the funds for (or hide the funding of) sugar-bab-ettes?

Do you use bonuses that your spouse is unaware of? Do you use travel expense budgets? Do you and your spouse have separate accounts? Have you reached the point of 'don't ask-don't tell?' Do you make up fake wind-fall expenses?

Seriously. I'm scratching my head a bit around this one.

So... Please do me a favor, save me from scratching my scalp into dandruff-ey mess, & drop me a comment or email (anonymous is fine) with any deets.

Muah,

Meg

Fake Sugar Daddy[S]

Oh, the hilarity!

I received an email today from a fairly experienced SB regarding a potential fake Sugar Daddy.

Replying to her email, I searched for Fake Sugar Daddys, a blog with tips regarding spotting a potential con-artist/rapist and a black-list of conning, violent & dangerous SDs.

I accidentally stumbled upon the website: Fake Sugar Daddy, a blog written by a Fake Sugar Daddy instructing other SDs on how to con women...


The two websites:

http://fakesugardaddy.blogspot.com
http://fakesugardaddys.blogspot.com

The two websites' missions:

This blog is about how I fake being a Sugar Daddy to get laid. I'll explain to you what you need to do to pass yourself off as a Sugar Daddy so that you can get laid by some of the most attractive women on the planet.

We have all heard the stories (or have our own) of men posing to be sugar daddies, when they really have no idea what it is about or in some other way misrepresent themselves. If you have had a experience with a fake SD share your story and help out other baby's to avoid him. Not all sugar daddies are who they appear to be, and it is important to flush out the phonies from the real sugar daddies.


Still laughing at that right now. 


That said, both sites are pretty great informational tools re. spotting a fake.

Tumble-Weeds in Sugar Land - Part 2

A problem a lot of my friends have mentioned is that 2-4 months after creating a profile on a sugar dating website, the number of emails they receive slowly begins to trickle off.  This is problematic for them, because many only begin to understand what being an SB means, what type of a relationship they want, and how to screen and search pot-SDs after a few months.

Personally, I think two things explain this:

1) "Been on SA since..." suggests that:
a.) You are not looking for an exclusive relationship or an ongoing one (i.e., I'm actually a hooker prowling for clients).
b.) If you are looking for an SD, you have not been able to find one either because your expectations are too demanding, or because you are a low-quality SB. (i.e., I've been sitting on the shelf for...)

2) The default-SB search on most Sugar-sites searches by "newest profile." So...the longer you've had a profile, the less likely it is that an SD will stumble upon it. (& if we consider the fact that 8.6 new SBs join daily & 15 profiles are returned on each search page...you slowly start to drift out of the SDs intro-search process).

Obviously, some SDs don't think like this. In particular, my guess is that sophisticated SDs do not think like this. However, as aforementioned, many SDs are new to sugar-land, don't put much thought into the search process, and follow these assumptions.

So - if you see tumble-weeds, try:
1) Hiding or deleting your account and creating a new one on another site.
2) When those relationships have ended (i.e., after 3 months, 12 months, a few years, whatever), create a new account on the site you were originally a member of with new pictures, updated info, & references to the fact that you've been in successful sugar relationships before.

Tumble-Weeds in Sugar-Land

Searching for sugar in the sugar-bowl can be difficult. There are a lot of poofs, flakes, and fakes. So why?

Let me start out by saying- site-wide, there are an average of 10 SBs/1 SD. (In my city, the ratio is approximately 6:1).

At least in my own city, the ratio of new SBs to new SDs exceeds the overall ratio. In other words, on average, 12.6 SBs join for every 1.3 SD, and an average of 8.6 SBs join daily.

The more experienced the SB or SD is, the better he or she is at negotiating the terms of the relationship in his or her favor. Or, put in negative terms, the less experienced an SB or SD is with sugar dating, the more likely it is that he or she will agree to arrangements that are not in his or her favor.

The following excerpt, from 2009-ish on the SA blog, illustrates the conundrum:

After reading through this thread and others, and having participated in this site for about six months, I am convinced that 95% of the women on this site either (1) have no idea what they want or (2) have no idea what a SD wants. I’m not flaming, I just want to offer you some perspective.
For reference, I earn about $500k per year, am in my mid-thirties and am considered attractive.
In six months, I have met approx. 50 SBs from this and another site. I have very specific taste and screen for intelligence prior to meeting, but probably have more meetings than most guys because I prefer to cut to the chase and see if there is chemistry.

1) About 25% of those SBs have no real “number” in their own mind prior to meeting. They want to be around a successful, interesting guy whom they probably wouldn’t meet day-to-day and get to experience some new things. Most are college girls, are more comfortable with intimacy than the norm, and are a little embarassed about the money side of things. The end result for the 5-10% of men on this site who are truly desirable is that quite a few young, attractive women will come home with you on the first date and have very few expectations. They appreciate whatever help is offered, but feel awkward about negotiating. I sleep with 2/3 of this group on the first date.

2) Another 50% show up on a first date with a set of demands, essentially...

3) Finally, 25% show up looking for a real connection in addition to some help in life, and they tend to be pretty flexible about arrangements depending on the level of chemistry. They understand that, even if they are not your GF, they had better make you feel like it while you’re together and vice versa. About half of these SBs will engage in NSA fun on the first date without any real talk of an arrangement.

In my case, I signed up looking for a classy, intelligent and educated woman in the last category, but have found that the cost/benefit ratio just isn’t there when attractive college and post-college girls are trolling here for “older BFs with limits."

Not all SDs think this way. Experienced SDs -- those who are attached to the concept of being a sugar daddy & have been one before -- will most likely not abandon their search for their perfect SB and perfect sugar relationship in favor of a wanton stream of hook-ups with loose & horny college chicks.

But just like the majority of SBs are newbies to sugar-dating, many of the SDs are newbies to the 'arrangement' concept. And so...the over-abundance of NSA relationships ultimately make it easy for SD-newbies to not act like SDs while on Sugar Dating sites.

Beginnings

...I was flying from Tel Aviv to Istanbul at three in the morning. It was a red-eye-flight...the airport was empty. But, of course, when you have 20 pages of stamps from Islamic countries in your passport and an "al" in your last name, it's still quite a hastle getting through customs. Even more of a haste when you've over-stayed your visa.

Security check, meticulous luggage search.

I'm really chatty when I'm tired and I'm really chatty when I'm irritated and I'm really chatty when I'm stressed.

Just started talking to this guy in front of me. A sort of average looking, 30-something I-Banker from manhattan. And the funny thing, so like, we hit it off.

Great conversationalist, talked for 4 hours straight, and halfway through the flight, so um,  my language school started the next morning and we were getting in at 4 a.m., and I am a cheap-ass so I didn't have a hotel, and was just going to sleep in the airport.

And half-way through the flight he was like 'hey so do you want, if you want you can sleep at my hotel.' In a sort of awkward way. But nice. And I was like, hell yeah! And it was the weirdest thing, you know, being picked up by this turkish dude in a suit with a badge and wizzed through customs and driven to a 5-star hotel in a mercedes, and the strange look on the driver's face and the faces of the hotel reception. Especially because I was leaving my suitcase at the reception so I could just bring it in the next day.

The suite - incredible. Gin & Tonic. Bed.

We didn't have sex then. Or even kiss, really, he was a total gentleman.

He was in town on a holiday for 5 days. I stayed at his hotel while he was in town. I went to language classes. He was chauffeured between tourist sites. We met for dinner and drinks. & Crashed.

We had sex the third night.

At some point, I mentioned that I was having trouble finding an apartment in the district my school was in.

At some point, he offered money to rent a nicer one.

It was the same awkwardness (on his part offering, on mine accepting) that came with the initial offer to share his hotel.

I tried to decline.

He offered again.

And I figured...why not?