Tumble-Weeds in Sugar Land - Part 2

A problem a lot of my friends have mentioned is that 2-4 months after creating a profile on a sugar dating website, the number of emails they receive slowly begins to trickle off.  This is problematic for them, because many only begin to understand what being an SB means, what type of a relationship they want, and how to screen and search pot-SDs after a few months.

Personally, I think two things explain this:

1) "Been on SA since..." suggests that:
a.) You are not looking for an exclusive relationship or an ongoing one (i.e., I'm actually a hooker prowling for clients).
b.) If you are looking for an SD, you have not been able to find one either because your expectations are too demanding, or because you are a low-quality SB. (i.e., I've been sitting on the shelf for...)

2) The default-SB search on most Sugar-sites searches by "newest profile." So...the longer you've had a profile, the less likely it is that an SD will stumble upon it. (& if we consider the fact that 8.6 new SBs join daily & 15 profiles are returned on each search page...you slowly start to drift out of the SDs intro-search process).

Obviously, some SDs don't think like this. In particular, my guess is that sophisticated SDs do not think like this. However, as aforementioned, many SDs are new to sugar-land, don't put much thought into the search process, and follow these assumptions.

So - if you see tumble-weeds, try:
1) Hiding or deleting your account and creating a new one on another site.
2) When those relationships have ended (i.e., after 3 months, 12 months, a few years, whatever), create a new account on the site you were originally a member of with new pictures, updated info, & references to the fact that you've been in successful sugar relationships before.

Tumble-Weeds in Sugar-Land

Searching for sugar in the sugar-bowl can be difficult. There are a lot of poofs, flakes, and fakes. So why?

Let me start out by saying- site-wide, there are an average of 10 SBs/1 SD. (In my city, the ratio is approximately 6:1).

At least in my own city, the ratio of new SBs to new SDs exceeds the overall ratio. In other words, on average, 12.6 SBs join for every 1.3 SD, and an average of 8.6 SBs join daily.

The more experienced the SB or SD is, the better he or she is at negotiating the terms of the relationship in his or her favor. Or, put in negative terms, the less experienced an SB or SD is with sugar dating, the more likely it is that he or she will agree to arrangements that are not in his or her favor.

The following excerpt, from 2009-ish on the SA blog, illustrates the conundrum:

After reading through this thread and others, and having participated in this site for about six months, I am convinced that 95% of the women on this site either (1) have no idea what they want or (2) have no idea what a SD wants. I’m not flaming, I just want to offer you some perspective.
For reference, I earn about $500k per year, am in my mid-thirties and am considered attractive.
In six months, I have met approx. 50 SBs from this and another site. I have very specific taste and screen for intelligence prior to meeting, but probably have more meetings than most guys because I prefer to cut to the chase and see if there is chemistry.

1) About 25% of those SBs have no real “number” in their own mind prior to meeting. They want to be around a successful, interesting guy whom they probably wouldn’t meet day-to-day and get to experience some new things. Most are college girls, are more comfortable with intimacy than the norm, and are a little embarassed about the money side of things. The end result for the 5-10% of men on this site who are truly desirable is that quite a few young, attractive women will come home with you on the first date and have very few expectations. They appreciate whatever help is offered, but feel awkward about negotiating. I sleep with 2/3 of this group on the first date.

2) Another 50% show up on a first date with a set of demands, essentially...

3) Finally, 25% show up looking for a real connection in addition to some help in life, and they tend to be pretty flexible about arrangements depending on the level of chemistry. They understand that, even if they are not your GF, they had better make you feel like it while you’re together and vice versa. About half of these SBs will engage in NSA fun on the first date without any real talk of an arrangement.

In my case, I signed up looking for a classy, intelligent and educated woman in the last category, but have found that the cost/benefit ratio just isn’t there when attractive college and post-college girls are trolling here for “older BFs with limits."

Not all SDs think this way. Experienced SDs -- those who are attached to the concept of being a sugar daddy & have been one before -- will most likely not abandon their search for their perfect SB and perfect sugar relationship in favor of a wanton stream of hook-ups with loose & horny college chicks.

But just like the majority of SBs are newbies to sugar-dating, many of the SDs are newbies to the 'arrangement' concept. And so...the over-abundance of NSA relationships ultimately make it easy for SD-newbies to not act like SDs while on Sugar Dating sites.

Beginnings

...I was flying from Tel Aviv to Istanbul at three in the morning. It was a red-eye-flight...the airport was empty. But, of course, when you have 20 pages of stamps from Islamic countries in your passport and an "al" in your last name, it's still quite a hastle getting through customs. Even more of a haste when you've over-stayed your visa.

Security check, meticulous luggage search.

I'm really chatty when I'm tired and I'm really chatty when I'm irritated and I'm really chatty when I'm stressed.

Just started talking to this guy in front of me. A sort of average looking, 30-something I-Banker from manhattan. And the funny thing, so like, we hit it off.

Great conversationalist, talked for 4 hours straight, and halfway through the flight, so um,  my language school started the next morning and we were getting in at 4 a.m., and I am a cheap-ass so I didn't have a hotel, and was just going to sleep in the airport.

And half-way through the flight he was like 'hey so do you want, if you want you can sleep at my hotel.' In a sort of awkward way. But nice. And I was like, hell yeah! And it was the weirdest thing, you know, being picked up by this turkish dude in a suit with a badge and wizzed through customs and driven to a 5-star hotel in a mercedes, and the strange look on the driver's face and the faces of the hotel reception. Especially because I was leaving my suitcase at the reception so I could just bring it in the next day.

The suite - incredible. Gin & Tonic. Bed.

We didn't have sex then. Or even kiss, really, he was a total gentleman.

He was in town on a holiday for 5 days. I stayed at his hotel while he was in town. I went to language classes. He was chauffeured between tourist sites. We met for dinner and drinks. & Crashed.

We had sex the third night.

At some point, I mentioned that I was having trouble finding an apartment in the district my school was in.

At some point, he offered money to rent a nicer one.

It was the same awkwardness (on his part offering, on mine accepting) that came with the initial offer to share his hotel.

I tried to decline.

He offered again.

And I figured...why not?